Monday, December 27, 2010

It's been... awhile.

Seems when you get caught up in everything, you kind of forget to blog... or maybe more than kind of.

Well, Christmas was two days ago. I spent the night at my parent's house on Christmas Eve. Tyson had to work a 12 hour shift on Christmas, so we all woke up early so we could watch Ty open his presents and open our presents from him before he had to go to work. After my parents and I finished opening our presents we got to watch Ry's kids open their presents on Tokbox. ( It made me miss the hell out of them. I can't wait till June when we go to visit them for a week. As always, we went to Wayne and Marcia's for Danish coffee cakes; got to see Cheryl's son, Chad, after about 5 years. It was a nice surprise. My mom had everyone over for dinner at 6 that night. I got to have my favorite meatballs. It's always nice to get together with all the relatives. I am very blessed for the family I have. We are all so full of love, and hold onto family traditions. I never laugh as hard as I do, as when I'm hanging out with my family. There, of course, was a lot of Mexican Train and Apples to Apples played that night.

I spent some time with Joe today. I gave him his Christmas present: Tea Tree Shampoo, Touche Amore hoodie, truckstop beanie, and a hotsauce 5 set. He got me a band of Horses LP, and my turntable is coming in the mail still. He's a really nice guy. Always up front and honest. Makes me laugh; not afraid/ashamed of who he is. Amazing chef and music connoisseur. Been taking it considerably slow with him. It's a nice change.

New Years is coming up. This is the time of year that always makes me reflect on everything I've been though this year, and it's been kind of nice having this blog to look back on all that. It's also a time when I think of change. Where my life is going now; what I want out of life. I want to go to school this year. I want to meet new people. I want to build up my clientele at work. As always I want to blog more frequent than I usually do. hah.

Well, I hope this gets you more up to speed.

Sunday, September 19, 2010


I hate trying to convey a thought or a feeling when there does not seem to be any words to even begin to describe them. There are some things in life that you can only be felt, and unfortunately you can't tell someone how to feel those things. They are the rarest of feelings; more valuable than gold, diamonds, or life. They are what make life worth living. Unfortunately, some of us may start to have these thoughts and feelings at the most inconvenient of times. However, if you are able to overcome all obstacles thrown at you to interrupt your path, you will be able to enjoy an amplified version of this already, astounding feeling. I'm not going to call this feeling love, because that simply does not do it justice. It makes me sad when I see a lot of people who go their whole life with someone that they may love, but not have this "upper-tier" version of love with.. "We accept the love we think we deserve."

I can definitely see that I am not the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, a year ago, or even 6 months ago. Obviously, we are ever-changing and ever-growing, so that is expected. But I feel I have become a completely different person. We all have our trials and tribulations that mold us over time... and it is up to us to decide if we want them to influence us negatively or positively. I know that everyone has their own demons that they are fighting... and I don't think that we have to fight them alone. I think that we all have different stories that no one else will ever be able to write. But ultimately we are striving the same thing... to be wanted and to belong; to find our place in this world.

We may all die alone, but we can definitely live together. I'm not quite sure the exact reason why we are here, but I think it is to learn to love; to coexist. I don't think you can truly know who you are, until you find someone who makes you feel those things mentioned earlier... You don't know your full potential until you find that person who makes you want to give your everything.

I don't really know where I'm going with this....
Just trying to verbalize some things...
Trying to understand them.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Life is funny...

One minute you think you know where you're going in life, and the next you are upside down and backwards. So many times, I've thought I had it all figured out... and so many times, it's changed. One year ago I though I was going to be moving to a different state with a man I thought I was going to live with and potentially marry. Two years ago I didn't want anything to do with any sort of relationship. Three years ago I was still with my first love, thinking that we were going to get married and had hopes of having children....

Priorities change, opinions change, people change, and life changes.

Right now, I have no idea what I want out of life. I love doing hair, but who knows how much longer my back and shoulders will permit that. Today was probably the worst day as far as the pain in my back goes; and that really scared me. If I don't get that fixed soon, doing hair might not ever be an option... and I have no idea what I'd want to do career-wise besides hair. The thought of going to college petrifies me... I don't know why. Every one tells me I'd do fine, because I'm responsible, have good study skills, etc, but I really don't think college is for me. It seems like unnecessary debt. Trade schools just make so much more sense to me... But what do I know?

As far as relationships go, every guy I meet just wants a piece of ass. I'm at the point in my life where I want to date someone for it to go somewhere, not like some 3 week high school fling. It drives me crazy that once I start to think that someone is different, they just prove to be the same. And when I finally meet the most legit guy, it's pretty much an impossible situation. I don't know why I care so much about having someone... I'm young; I know that. But it is just nice to know that there is one person that cares about you and loves you and is thinking about you all the time. I don't know.

I think I'll stop while I don't sound completely pathetic....

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ch Ch Changes.

Am I the only person who rearranges their space to relax? I have always loved rearranging furniture; it is a huge stress reliever. I think I'm going to buy a couch and get a smaller bed. This big bed I have is just a huge space taker-upper. I also think I'm going to try and find a better way to arrange some other items of furniture like this desk I'm sitting at... i just don't like how I ended up having my apt... we just kinda found a space for everything so I could get moved in.

I have had a hard time sleeping lately. Today it finally caught up with me. I got really sick at work today. Ended up throwing up and almost passing out. My boss sent me home, and I slept for about 8 hours. I felt a lot better when I woke up, but I still had a pounding migraine; I've been getting a lot of migraines lately... I don't really know why; just started happening. My goal is to get into bed at a decent time tonight. I'm aiming for midnight... haha.

I made a really good friend recently. True genuine friends are hard to find these days. Everyone's always lookin' to get ahead... No one really wants to listen to your problems, everyone just wants to be friends with someone because it's socially beneficial. If you can find someone who will just listen to you and truly cares... You've found someone that you probably won't ever have the chance to find again. Friends like that are rarer than diamonds; and consequently more valuable.

Last thing that I really care to blog about is this dress my mom bought me the other day... it gives me that 20's - esque feel.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


The past couple months have been so full of change... Not only physically, but mentally as well. Moving out has definitely been a good change for me, although I do miss being able to go to my moms room at night and vent and get a backrub. :] Or knock on Tyson's door and watch him play video games. Family has always been very important to me, but the older I get, the more I realize just how important family really is. They are the ones who are always there, and always love you.

The first 2 weeks after I moved out went really well; getting adjusted and setting up my apartment kept me entertained, but then I started to get into depression mode. My depression hasn't ever been too bad... I've usually been able to supress it and keep myself occupied with something else, but when you have nothing but time to think, it's kinda hard. I've been trying to find releases through friends, work, and religion. Rufio came to me just in time... He gives me something to look foreword to and eliminates my loneliness. He puts a smile on my face, and keeps me busy. My heart is overflowing with love for my little furry miracle. I don't think people realize just how much I needed Rufio, and how much he means to me...

I want to start reading more... I mean.. I read at least 4 times a week, but I'd like to read longer or more days... Idk. I love reading; I don't know why I don't do it more. Probably because I spend all my time on the internet facebooking and blogging and all all that internet jazz. Sometimes I feel like our lives have become some futuristic popularity contest... I wish I could quit the internet... I probably could, if there weren't certain people that I enjoy talking to on here. Hmm. :/

I also, want to lose, weight, but I doubt that will happen... I'm not trying to be a pessimist. I'm a a realist. I'm a lazy ass, and I love food.... Not the best combo for wanting to lose weight.. haha.

Alright.. that's enough.
Time for some TRU TV and Rufio cuddles.<3

Monday, August 23, 2010

Meet Rufio.

Meet Rufio. :] The newest member in my family. :] He's about 1 month old; he's super cuddly, and super playful. I adopted him from this little girl outside of WalMart. She was in tears begging people to adopt her kittens, because her dad was gonna "kill them." Joy, a lady I work with, finally convinced me that I needed a kitten to keep me company in my lonely little apartment.

So here we are, and I definitely know that I made the right choice. I love this little kitten more than almost every human I know. Haha. Even though I've only had him 2 days, he is already the light of my life. :] I can't remember the last time I was this happy. :]

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Well well....

What to talk about?

Had the family reunion last weekend. It was good to see all the aunts, uncles, and cousins. Played soem miniature golf... Didn't come in dead last. ;) Went swimming with all the little cousins.. Idk why little kids love me... because they drive me crazy. haha. Steph came up with us too. It was good to have Tyson there too. :]

I went to Jill's baby shower Sunday evening. It was really nice; Kristi had everything planned down to a t. We played some pretty ridiculous games. One was passing a pacifier around in an circle with your mouth, and the another one you had to guess the flavor of the baby food by taste and smell.. *vomit* I got Jill a little pink and white polka dot onsie with a cute little overall skirt thing... and some hair accessories.

I went to an Every Time I Die concert on Tuesday. It was awesome. My friend Justin and Brett's band, Cremation 186 played. It was good to see Brett again, and to meet up with some old friends... and meet some new ones. :] We went to Denney's afterwards. It's kind of our tradition.

Well... That's all for now...
I 'spose...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Where did summer go?

As always, I am the worst person to blog consistantly.
So much has changed this summer.

Probably the biggest change is that I moved out. I have really enjoyed living on my own. I moved in here the 1st of July. I have it decorated pretty cute. :]

I am also learning French and Turkish. :] I have been craving learning and knowledge. Haha. I guess that's what happens when you don't go to "real" college. I've been learning how to cook my own meals also... And I've become pretty crafty... Basically... I think moving out has really made me grow in a very little time.

Another thing that is new is my tattoo. I wanted to get something that meant something to me; something I loved and had a passion for... Obviously my parents hate it, but I like it, and it means a lot to me.

This summer has been pretty good. The forth of July was fun. Went and hung out at some friends' house who live near downtown. So we saw the fireworks alright, without having to fight the crowds. I've met a lot of new people whom I have grown pretty close to. :] I am going to Boise on Thursday to hang out with some friends. :] The family reunion is coming up the second week of August. I got work off for it. :] I'm stoked! I love our family. Also, Kurtis (My Bestie) is coming down from Spokane to hang out with me. :D

That's all for now...

Monday, May 3, 2010

Huh... Well then.

My life has changed a little bit since the last post.

Brent and I broke up last Sunday. This distance was just too much for me. We tried to make it work, but the split showed me his true colors. Anyways, I feel so much better now. It's like a deep breath of relief. It's put me in a really good mood... So who knows. I'm sure it was for the best. Everything happens for a reason.

Ryan's family leaves for Oregon tomorrow. :[ I am going to miss them so much. I hope they have a safe trip and can start a great new life over there.

Anyways... This is going to be a quick short update; I've gotta head to work.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

I'm alive.... Kind of.

So, I've been sick all day with a stupid head cold. I've been sleeping all day. I didn't go to work today; my co-worker thinks it's cause I have a hangover... 1. I don't drink. 2. Since when does drinking cause head colds? Oh well.

Yesterday was my 19th birthday. I had to work, but I did go to Denney's after work with some friends. It was really nice. :] Here is a few pictures from the night:

Brent came up last weekend to celebrate my birthday early. He got me a new panda to add to my collection and an hour massage. I loved both of them. :]

Well, I'm still really sick, and that is all I have to say for now. :/

Thursday, February 4, 2010

My Heart....

Just ramblings... Sorry I jump from topic to topic....

When I love someone, I love them with all that I have to give. I always thought that was one of my positive qualities about me... but when you lose that person or come close to losing that person... It takes a toll on your heart. I am a very emotional person I have come to find. It does not take much to pull at my heart strings and make me tear up. Sometimes I feel like crying is as easy as breathing for me. I subconsciously try to make people happy, even if it means hurting myself. Sometimes I feel like an open book... I'll spill my heart to anyone I think cares... but at the same time, no one really knows what I'm feeling... I can vent and vent, and I still feel like no one knows Natalie. It's frustrating to know that certain events in my life have changed my perspective on things. And no matter how hard I try to tell myself to not think that way or not act that way.... It is just an automatic thing. I've put myself in many stupid situations and have made some incredibly stupid choices already in my life, and I'm ready to stop making them... But more than that I want to let them go and not eat away at me... not make me feel like a bad person. I find that the hardest person to forgive is myself. I don't know what I'm really trying to say in this... I just need to write things out and maybe I'll find something useful in it to help me right now. I guess there are just a lot of things bringing me down lately... my brother moving... brent being so far away, trying to save money, growing up, moving. All that. It's just wearing me down. This past week I've just felt... so depressed. Like my life is out of my control... out of my hands. I'm just having Deja Vu... I just want to be out of this rut I'm in... I don't even know the cause, but it makes me have a negative outlook on everything else in my life... and I'd like to stop it before it ruins everything good in my life.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Last Days With Steph.

Well, Steph left on Sunday to go back to Boise. :[ Not happy about that. But we've had a really good last week together. We did a lot of shopping on last Tuesday. I bought new black and red rocks for my fish tank, and a new Asian decoration for it. I'm trying to make it match the theme of my room. I still need to buy a Buddha head for it. We also bought some twine to make a headboard out of the bamboo I bought when I was with Brent (see previous post). We also bought some string to make bracelets out of.

When we got back to my house we cleaned out my fish tank ENTIRELY and filled it with the new rocks and stuff. It was a huge project, but it looks really nice now. We also made the bamboo headboard, which looks awesome. :] Let's see... what else have we done... We went on a few late night Alberto's runs. mmm. Ohhh and we went to Hastings and I got three movies that look really good for $10. I got, The Secret Life of Bees, Milk, and Slum Dog Millionaire. We also rented and watched 9. It was way cute and realllly good. That's all I have to say for now.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Short Trip

Well this weekend was short but sweet. Brent came up Saturday night and him, Tyler, Liz and I all went out to Red Robin for dinner, and then went to my house to hot tub and relax. We watched some way old episodes of House. Liz and Tyler went back to her house in Pocatello. Sunday, Brent and I decided to go see Youth in Revolt at 3, but realized that Brent had lost his wallet. We eventually found out that he had left it at Red Robin, so we swung by there to get it and still had a few hours to kill. So we headed over to Starbucks and then to Best Buy to see if there was anything Brent wanted to get with his gift cards he had got for Christmas. Well... upon leaving Best Buy we realized that I had locked my keys in my car... Haha. So we decided we'd just walk over to our movie that was in 45 minutes, cause it was right across the street, and then just have my parents bring us the spare key. Since we still had some time to kill, we decided to see if there was anything good in Ross. Brent bought some shirts, and I ended up finding a nice vase and bamboo for pretty cheap... Upon leaving THAT store, we realized... "Oh, we don't have anywhere to put our stuff..." haha. They ended up letting us keep it there until after our movie and when my parents brought us my key. Needless to say, Sunday was full of failures. :P haha. But I had a great weekend with Brent. It definitely wasn't long enough, but I guess it was better than nothing. That's pretty much all that I have to say. :]

p.s. Notice that I didn't wait a month until I posted again? Hehe. :]

Friday, January 8, 2010

Procrastination at its best. :P

So, I really should be cleaning my room, but that doesn't sound fun, so I convinced myself that I need to write a blog first. hehe.

I got my paycheck today; that much closer to having my car paid off... haha. Man. I'm gonna be paying that thing off forever it seems like. haha. But I also am getting a little saved up for moving too. I guess I'm still planning on moving sometime around May unless something else comes up. Brent might be taking a paid internship from the EPA which would be in Washington D.C., but that's all I really know about the matter. And he might not even take it, so right now, I guess I'm just playing it by ear. It could be good for building his career, but suck for me in the sense that he'd be even FURTHER away and for even LONGER. But, oh well. It's not for certain at all, so I'll stop worrying about it. haha.

Speaking of Brent, he is coming up this weekend (hopefully), but not for very long. He would just be here tomorrow night and leave Sunday night. Oh well... One day is better than none at all. I'm very happy to see him. I've been missing him even more than usual lately. It just gets so hard. I think people should not take for granted getting to see their significant other daily, or even weekly... *sigh. I know everything will work out though. I've never loved or trusted someone so much.

Well, it's official. Ryan moves in 2 1/2 weeks... and I'm not ever happy about this. I don't know if it's just him for right now, or the whole family, but I'm assuming it's just him for right now. I am NOT excited for that. I love his little family so much. I would do absolutely anything for his kids. They are so cute and such sweet little spirits. I'm definitely going to have to visit them as much as I can, and hopefully, my mom is going to steal them in the summer for a little bit. I kinda feel bad for my mom; all her babies are moving away from her. I am so grateful for her. She is such an amazing mom. I don't know what I would do without her. I think that my family in general is just absolutely great.

I guess all that I have left to talk about is my hair. haha. I'm going back blonde. Jill, a girl at my work, just did more highlights. Here's what it looks like right now:

Friday, January 1, 2010

So this is the new year...

Well folks, it's 2010. Can you believe it?
I know I sure can't. I remember when it was the new millennium...
And look at us now; starting the next decade of the 2000's.
I feel like I've accomplished a lot this year. I finished high school in February, and beauty school in August. I've found a job doing hair, working with girls that I like. :] And I know that this year is gonna be even better. :] I haven't made any resolutions yet... I mean, I guess there's always the 'lose weight' one, but I don't know if anyone ever accomplishes that one... haha. I have been trying to run every night, but I've been slacking a little bit over the holidays... but I'm gonna try and keep it up. I can't really think of any other resolutions... I guess save money as much as I can. I'm moving out soon, so I have a feeling money is gonna be tight... haha.

As always, I have been an inconsistent blogger. Maybe I should make that one of my New Year's Resolutions. Haha. To try and blog more than once a month... hehe. I guess I'll start by filling you in on all my holiday adventures. Thanksgiving was great. My mom had eye surgery, so we didn't go to Wayne and Marcia's. Instead, my dad stepped up and made an amazing Thanksgiving dinner for us, since my mom had just had her surgery (what an amazing dad, eh?). Christmas came and went, just like it always does. The majority of my presents were kitchen stuff for when I move out, which we will talk about here shortly. :) Tyson and I teamed up and bought everyone a present together; we got my mom a new stainless steel garbage can for the kitchen, my dad a $50 gift certificate to Sportsman's Warehouse, and our Brother and Sister-In-Law we got Left 4 Dead 2 (they love Zombie video games). I got Tyson a new Xbox Controller, and he got me the Uglies Book Series that I LOVE. We, of course, went over to Wayne and Marcia's for Coffee Cakes, and then everyone came over to our house for dinner. I love the Holidays, because they are all about being with your family. :)

The weekend after Christmas, Brent, Me, and some friends all went to Lava Hot Springs to relax. It was a lot of fun, and I was VERY happy to see Brent. <3 He got me speakers for my laptop that look like a panda head, and some mittens that you plug into your laptop that heat your hands. *See Below*

New Years was kinda laid back.... I was very tired, and Steph was sick... We both kinda went to bed early. haha. But Brent called me and wished me a happy new year, and told me he missed me, and wished he could be with me... heh. <3

And now to the part about me moving out. :D haha. So I recently realized that I'll be looking for a place to live down in Utah in 4 MONTHS! I can't believe how close it is, but I'm super excited. No more missing Brent for me! However, I know I'm going to miss my family so much. :[ I don't know what I'm gonna do without my mom especially. I know I'm gonna be calling her every day. :P And idk what I'm gonna do without my best friend, Tyson. *sigh* But that's life. You've gotta grow up someday right? I'm very excited, but very nervous too. I know I'll make it though. :]

Speaking of moving. Ryan got a job 13 hours away in Oregon. This means I won't be able to see my little nephew and nieces as often. *sob* I love those little ones so much. I'm definitely going to be visiting them whenever I can. I can't imagine how my mom feels losing her baby, and then her grand-babies.

Anyways, I guess you are all caught up on my life now. :]