Words.

I hate trying to convey a thought or a feeling when there does not seem to be any words to even begin to describe them. There are some things in life that you can only be felt, and unfortunately you can't tell someone how to feel those things. They are the rarest of feelings; more valuable than gold, diamonds, or life. They are what make life worth living. Unfortunately, some of us may start to have these thoughts and feelings at the most inconvenient of times. However, if you are able to overcome all obstacles thrown at you to interrupt your path, you will be able to enjoy an amplified version of this already, astounding feeling. I'm not going to call this feeling love, because that simply does not do it justice. It makes me sad when I see a lot of people who go their whole life with someone that they may love, but not have this "upper-tier" version of love with.. "We accept the love we think we deserve."

I can definitely see that I am not the same person I was ten years ago, five years ago, a year ago, or even 6 months ago. Obviously, we are ever-changing and ever-growing, so that is expected. But I feel I have become a completely different person. We all have our trials and tribulations that mold us over time... and it is up to us to decide if we want them to influence us negatively or positively. I know that everyone has their own demons that they are fighting... and I don't think that we have to fight them alone. I think that we all have different stories that no one else will ever be able to write. But ultimately we are striving the same thing... to be wanted and to belong; to find our place in this world.

We may all die alone, but we can definitely live together. I'm not quite sure the exact reason why we are here, but I think it is to learn to love; to coexist. I don't think you can truly know who you are, until you find someone who makes you feel those things mentioned earlier... You don't know your full potential until you find that person who makes you want to give your everything.

I don't really know where I'm going with this....
Just trying to verbalize some things...
Trying to understand them.

Life is funny...

One minute you think you know where you're going in life, and the next you are upside down and backwards. So many times, I've thought I had it all figured out... and so many times, it's changed. One year ago I though I was going to be moving to a different state with a man I thought I was going to live with and potentially marry. Two years ago I didn't want anything to do with any sort of relationship. Three years ago I was still with my first love, thinking that we were going to get married and had hopes of having children....

Priorities change, opinions change, people change, and life changes.

Right now, I have no idea what I want out of life. I love doing hair, but who knows how much longer my back and shoulders will permit that. Today was probably the worst day as far as the pain in my back goes; and that really scared me. If I don't get that fixed soon, doing hair might not ever be an option... and I have no idea what I'd want to do career-wise besides hair. The thought of going to college petrifies me... I don't know why. Every one tells me I'd do fine, because I'm responsible, have good study skills, etc, but I really don't think college is for me. It seems like unnecessary debt. Trade schools just make so much more sense to me... But what do I know?

As far as relationships go, every guy I meet just wants a piece of ass. I'm at the point in my life where I want to date someone for it to go somewhere, not like some 3 week high school fling. It drives me crazy that once I start to think that someone is different, they just prove to be the same. And when I finally meet the most legit guy, it's pretty much an impossible situation. I don't know why I care so much about having someone... I'm young; I know that. But it is just nice to know that there is one person that cares about you and loves you and is thinking about you all the time. I don't know.

I think I'll stop while I don't sound completely pathetic....